Daughter stays away overnight often now, busy with friends. Husband has only stopped going to sea in 2007. But son was always there. It feels weird in my house, like wearing a shoe that is too big. It looks ok maybe, but our gait is off.
I also stopped off to buy clothes. In the last week Sabir has eaten all but one of my bras, and my last pair of sneaks. He also chewed through daughter's bathing suit. He is in utter disgrace. So new sneaks for me today. Cheap, plain white, (men's section because my feet are huge and also the men's cost less and last much longer.)
Saw a woman shopping with her kids, little boy and girl, boy I would guess 7 or 8, and girl 3 or 4. Little girl, glowing brown skin, hair in sticking out braids. She was wearing a shirt that said 'I am smart and strong, and I can do anything.' Bright pink shirt.
"I like your shirt," I said.
"I can read it," she said. And she did.
"You know what else?" she said.
"I love everybody." She stretched he arms out to show how many everybody was.
That is how we start. That is how we all came into the world. So hard to hold onto though. So hard to save that for our kids. Maybe the best we can so is to struggle toward it, eyes open, once we are grown. In that moment, in the glow of her little girl smile I loved everybody too.