eglantine_br (eglantine_br) wrote,
eglantine_br
eglantine_br

Stupid heart, stupid face

'Keep your mind on the task at hand. It helps with the pain.'

My son. I have had the pleasure of his company for 25 years. He has been a friend and a help to me, and to Mike for half our lives.

Tomorrow that all changes. We are off to drive up to Buffalo, to the college there.

Distance matters little, i know. We can text, we can skype. He is only going to be 8 hours from me. And it is time for him to go, it is right that he go. This is how the world is. But i can hardly breathe for aching.

Daughter is different. She has been indepenant from the day she could stand-- could toddle away-- could bat my helping hands away.

I have some time yet left with her at home, and i will treasure it.

You know how a carousel goes, up and down, and round and round? But then the music gets all wobbly, and the spinning slows, and you know it is almost over?  It feels like that here.

And it is still hot here, we went swimming yesterday. But the smell of the air has changed. The air is sharper, gold and slanted. And that is no help at all.

On a more concrete level, i am having an attack of trigeminal neuralgia. I only get it a few times a year,  but it is quite miserable. And that is why i am awake at this ridiculous hour. If i could get to sleep i would have a good chance of waking tomorrow without it. But right now it feels as if someone is driving nails into my jaw.

I will be on the road for the next few days. Maybe i will post some pictures. I will try to do that.

Thinking of you all. Off to bed now i think.

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