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Oh Hazel

Sad news tonight.

I knew something was wrong-- knew it in my own bones. For the past month Hazel had been very sore. She had not wanted to walk much, would not run. She would stand at the top of the stairs and I could see her mouth go dry at the thought of going down them all. I knew she was sore. I told myself stories. I said 'it is arthritis, she is 9 after all..' And even today she enjoyed her walk. she went almost all the way to the beach. She was ok on the flat, she even rolled in the grass today. So I tried not to think it. I didn't want to see. But it came on so fast and sudden and hard. I knew better.

I didn't want to know better. I swallowed my dread. I said, 'lets give her asprin. It will help with her aches.' I like to think I would not have been selfish for too long. Now I will not have to find out.

Tonight, shortly after4 my post about the bread,  she bumped into our little granny cart in the kitchen hall, and it fell  on her. It weighs nothing. It is made of wire. But she screamed.  I thought maybe she had somehow dislocated her shoulder. It looked-- it looked wrong. But when I felt under there I could feel crepitus.

Mike is out of town, and he has the car. But Z carried her down the stairs. She screamed again when he lifted her. We managed to get a cab. Of course it was rush hour. Took ages. She was willing to lie in Z's lap.

They were kind at the VERG clinic. If you are ever in Brooklyn and have an animal crisis they are the place to go. They gave her morphine and took X-rays. It did not take them long at all to come back to us.

X-rays showed advanced bone cancer. She had somehow managed to break both front legs. They brought her in so we could talk to her one last time. They gave her the go-away drugs. There is a strange moment when they go-- you are there with them, and then suddenly they are not there any more. It is not the stilling of breath and heart, I am not sure what it is, but you can tell can't you, when they are not there any more. Dead is a house with nobody home.

I have done this so many times. So many animals come and gone. It hurts so much. It always leaves a bleeding hole where they used to be. I am grateful that she was not in pain any longer.

Comments

( 26 comments — Leave a comment )
wordsofastory
Jul. 1st, 2015 01:46 am (UTC)
Oh, I am so sorry. All of my sympathy is with you and your family.
soon_lee
Jul. 1st, 2015 02:33 am (UTC)
I'm sorry for your loss.
kellychambliss
Jul. 1st, 2015 02:38 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry, my dear. Pets are family.
empresspatti
Jul. 1st, 2015 04:19 am (UTC)
My most sincere condolences for your loss.
wellinghall
Jul. 1st, 2015 05:33 am (UTC)
I am very sorry to hear this. *hugs*
provencepuss
Jul. 1st, 2015 06:24 am (UTC)
so sorry, she was family and no matter how much we reason with ourselves, no matter how many times we have to go there, it HURTS.
esmerelda_t
Jul. 1st, 2015 06:54 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry to hear that but as you say at least she's not in any further pain.
puddleshark
Jul. 1st, 2015 07:47 am (UTC)
I am so sorry.
ioanite
Jul. 1st, 2015 07:50 am (UTC)
I'm sure Hazel thought you were a great owner; you took great care of her.

Hugs if you need them.
khiemtran
Jul. 1st, 2015 08:37 am (UTC)
Sorry to hear it...
amaraal
Jul. 1st, 2015 09:11 am (UTC)
Feeling with you. She was family. So sorry.
katriona_s
Jul. 1st, 2015 02:30 pm (UTC)
Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. HUG
piplover
Jul. 1st, 2015 02:33 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

*Hugs*
vespican
Jul. 1st, 2015 02:34 pm (UTC)
I'm sure our first "kids," Tanya and Tiffany will welcome Hazel to doggie heaven. Still miss them after so many years, so I know this isn't easy for you and yours. Some day I'll scan in and post a pic or two of them.
Dave
ba1126
Jul. 1st, 2015 02:39 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss. She was a good and faithful companion.
rum_inspector
Jul. 1st, 2015 03:48 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry...
it never gets easier, they are family, I wish you well
thistle_chaser
Jul. 1st, 2015 04:02 pm (UTC)
Poor Hazel! I'm sorry for your loss.
veronica_rich
Jul. 1st, 2015 05:56 pm (UTC)

I know the look of not there anymore - when Sylvester went two years ago, I knew the moment he was no longer himself. I am sorry for you.

joyful_molly
Jul. 1st, 2015 07:09 pm (UTC)
I know that moment only too well, it's always losing a part of yourself. I'm so sorry for your loss; you are in my thoughts. Hazel and you shared a great life, and she gave you wonderful memories. I wish you that, in time, they will replace your grief.
chloe_amethyst
Jul. 1st, 2015 11:58 pm (UTC)
I am so very sorry to learn this terrible news. I know you'll miss Hazel terribly.
anteros_lmc
Jul. 2nd, 2015 07:14 am (UTC)
Oh I'm so sorry to hear your terribly sad news. Yesterday was work beginning to end and I have only just now seen your post. I know how terribly you must miss Hazel she was such a good friend. There is no question that they are family and it hurts so much when they have to go. Hazel had such a good life with you all though, I don't think a dog could have wished for more. A x
maggie_conagher
Jul. 2nd, 2015 08:45 am (UTC)
I am so very sorry. I have loved reading about her and I will miss that.

I wish you comfort and that the happy memories break through.

Crying even though not my loss
charliecochrane
Jul. 2nd, 2015 11:22 am (UTC)
It never gets easier, no matter how many animals you have. xxxx
kcwarwick
Jul. 2nd, 2015 04:04 pm (UTC)
So, so sorry to hear this. It doesn't get any easier no matter how many times you have to go through it. She's waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge.
lemurling
Jul. 3rd, 2015 07:53 pm (UTC)
Oh honey, I'm so sorry. *hugs*
kittycallum
Jul. 5th, 2015 05:15 pm (UTC)
Oh dear -- that is sad news indeed. She was such a lovely dog and obviously much beloved. I'm sorry for your loss, as even if you have been through this before with other animals, it is never easy. I hope you'll find comfort in the happy memories of a wonderful dog.
( 26 comments — Leave a comment )

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