December 15th, 2012

Knocked a little sideways

I have tears inside my face today. They keep trying to climb out of my throat and eyes.

Usually these shootings come, and I feel sad, in a distant way. I feel outraged on an intellectual level. I feel a twinge in my politics, I feel frustrated and helpless, but it is not like this.

I just want to cry. 

You know, it occurred to me, I was shot with a 9mm handgun. (Only a little bit shot, and years ago now,) so if anyone asks you guys if handguns have hurt someone you know, well, you all sort of know me. 

I remember the week after, explaining to my little girl that the man who shot me didn't mean to. I was so careful. I said, yes, he was a bad man. He was trying to shoot another man. And the other man was shooting too, and he was a robber. But, I said, the man who shot me did not mean to. He did not know that the bullets would come into our house. And, i said, if he had shot you-- (my tiny girl,)
he would have been very sad, because he would not want to hurt a child. (I still believe that about the fools that shoot up parking lots.)

My son was saying last night that he does not expect to see substantial gun control in the US in his lifetime. He is 21. He voted this year for the first time. 

I just want to cry.