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For those who read it

I had Marlowe totally give in and have sex-with-the-ex. Ex is now married, and I have to say, I don't approve. Have you ever had the people you love and write, do something that you feel is wrong, and you get dragged along. I am there saying 'No, Kit, you really shouldn't, and he is all 'yumm'

(My muse is a mule, I am sure of it.)

I think he himself has mixed feelings. He has mixed feelings about sex as it is. But I am not sure how clear I have made that in the story so far.

This has been kind of a crummy week. Husband is home enough to be underfoot, but not home enough to be very helpful. (i swear, it is easier when they go to sea...) I am feeling much recovered, but am taking a nasty anti-biotic. It is the kind that gives me horrid vivid dreams. They hare not nightmares in the sense that anything especially scary happens. No monsters or anything, but just an overwhelming sense of doom.

Also I have had the damn goat dream. This is a recurring dream I have, have had for years that the goats I had as a child are still alive and have been starving and neglected for the last 30 years-- shut in their barn in the dark while I went off and got married, etc. I have to go back and face them, and my abandonment of them. I try to scramble around and buy them hay, and find goat chow, and all, and I let them out into the sun, and they are all dirty and thin, (they never were either in real life,) and they forgive me. They are glad to see me! Horrible. I have had this dream over and over, since my mom got ill. It did not stop when she died. Sometimes it is chickens. Chickens are just as bad.

(If the dream seems familiar, I gave it to Horatio once.) The goat dream is a nightmare. I wake up, and am afraid to go back to sleep.

Husband is nice about it. If I am lying there, awake, or out here, with the light on, all I have to say is: "It's the goat dream again."

On the upside, the antibiotics are working. I have more energy, and no icky sick feeling. And my bruises from the hospital are almost gone. No inflammation, no aches, no stiff muscles, no pain in my back which I kind of knew was the kidney but was trying to ignore. No headache. So that is very very nice.

Now I have to head off to the pharmacy for C's meds.

I know, as I study the past, that I have much to be grateful for. I would not have lived to reproduce in any bit of time but the last 100 years. And both my kids and husband would be dead of things we have been easily cured of. Semmelweiss, Morton, Salk, Pasteur, Fleming.... and all the other names that we don't get to know. Sorry to be a medical history dork. But my throat clogs up to think of them. A few nightmares are nothing.

So, off. Spanish when i get back. I'll see if they do anything interesting


( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 26th, 2013 11:52 pm (UTC)
I'm glad to hear you are recuperating! Hopefully you won't need the antibiotics much longer!

That's a terrible dream to have! I have similar dreams of getting lost with nanny kids; similar in that we both experience stress over failing in our 'responsibilities'. Do you think, subconsciously perhaps, you are somehow feeling 'responsible' for your Mom's final illness? Just a thought.

I have that same feeling about being grateful for living in this time period! I had a fever and infection after my first baby; many a mother in the past having a fever and infection would have left her child an orphan. In fact, that seems to be a part of Dickens' "Scrooge's" history. He was neglected by his father because his birth caused his mother's death, and he turns against the nephew (and the world) when his sister dies in childbirth.
Jun. 27th, 2013 12:24 am (UTC)
Yes-- there is guilt with my mom. I know i did all I could at the time, but i was living here, and she was in a place in Florida, and I was flying down every few weeks, and it was pretty fraught.

Interesting about Scrooge. I had not noticed that detail. I was thinking about my Marlowe era guys. Even a tough guy like Ben Jonson was never the same after his son died.

Jun. 27th, 2013 12:16 am (UTC)
Just be glad it's not a Goatse dream ...
Jun. 27th, 2013 12:24 am (UTC)
Good point, ewww.
Oct. 4th, 2016 01:43 pm (UTC)
Is that the one with the satyr? Goats certainly have been a recurring dream for you recently.
Jun. 27th, 2013 08:02 am (UTC)
good to hear you're back on form (goat dreams notwithstanding!)
Characters not behaving: I have one who has got himself stuck in a new town and doesn't know what to do about it - trouble is neither do I - he went there without asking the Muse's permission!and it's taking me one sentence at a time to do something about it!

Your dreams could be fear of not being there when your family needs you - including when your mum died.
Jun. 27th, 2013 11:17 pm (UTC)
Yes-- I am back, and things are getting better. Got some writing done this week anyway.
Jun. 27th, 2013 10:35 am (UTC)
Glad you feel better again *hugs*.

Had to lol about your muse :) If yours is a mule my is a sloth :)

Characters do behave as long as I love them. If not they decide not to play with me any more.
The Beanies though manage everything by themselves, being naughty and undressing unasked! Tututut... :)

Btw - how are the cats?
Jun. 27th, 2013 11:16 pm (UTC)
Yes. You have to love them. You have to love them even, or perhaps especially when they are doing something you think they should not.
Jun. 27th, 2013 10:47 am (UTC)
Big hugs.

And yes, characters do have a habit of being too full of their own agendas. *smites them*
Jun. 27th, 2013 11:13 pm (UTC)
I imagine yours can get pretty mulish too. I would not describe either J or O as exactly biddable.
Jun. 28th, 2013 11:49 am (UTC)
Tell me about it. I need a sheepdog for those boys.
Jun. 27th, 2013 02:19 pm (UTC)
"It's the goat dream again."

Why does this sound like a wisecrack from MST3K?

That being said, I'm glad that things are improving.
Jun. 27th, 2013 11:10 pm (UTC)
Oh wow. I have not watched them since they were MST2K. Long ago. I am that old...
Jun. 28th, 2013 12:15 am (UTC)
Old? When you're only two years less than Montalban was in "The Wrath of Khan", then you can call yourself that. :-)

As for MST3K... Thank goodness that we got "The Day The Earth Froze" onto DVD because our VHS tape of it is more than 20 years old.
Jun. 27th, 2013 04:02 pm (UTC)
I think quite often you have to let a character do something that you wouldn't have done yourself, simply because that's what they would have done as that character. If you don't, then you're just writing about yourself.
Glad you're starting to feel better. 'Husband is home enough to be underfoot, but not home enough to be very helpful.' It's a design fault...
Jun. 27th, 2013 11:09 pm (UTC)
I think that is a very good point about him doing a thing because of thoughts and intentions that are specifically his. Discomforting though.

Jun. 28th, 2013 07:10 pm (UTC)
I hope you'll be done with the antibiotics soon. The goat dream sounds very upsetting. I had a very similar dream about kittens once. Only once, but it was horrible.

Modern medicine is indeed a wonderful thing, as are the people who make it work.
Jun. 29th, 2013 12:20 am (UTC)
Yes. Modern medicine is one of the things that reduces me to humble sniffling awe. I thought of your man last week-- it is nurses that do most of the actual hands on work at any given moment. I tried not to be too demanding, but if you need help, or something given they are the ones who end up doing it, for the most part. I have great respect for them. I hope they know it...
Jul. 2nd, 2013 05:37 pm (UTC)
indeed = hear hear

I would be long gone already too if it were not for all kinds of medication and the list of people who make those breakthroughs is amazing

i just worry though about those who can't get or don;t get those chances whereever they are in the world - I sometimes think it is something I should do more about - though I don't know quite what :}
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )