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Some wine, and say what's going on

I have been here-- at home. Not feeling very much like the self I want to be. Unable to write, surly, distracted. I made a mistake, see. The book should have warned me, I read the book , over and over, front to back. Loved it, really felt that it was the best thing I had ever read. But after that I needed to put it aside for 20 years.

But the movie came and it looked so good, and the singing, and Russell Crowe... I wanted to see what everyone was talking about. I knew the songs and the story already, what could it hurt?

Well, it was lovely. And I sat here at my desk listening to the songs of angry men, and the power of redemptive love, and dissolving into a pile of sobbing glup. But it was not good for me to watch. All that death, and glory, and little lost girls with buckets. I would do better to stick with frigate battles.

That is the power of stories I think. Humans are just flesh that wants to tell stories, everything else is extra. And some stories can hurt you. Some stories, for some people, are just too much. I poisoned myself. It is going to take a little while for me to get over being a hypervigilant mess who drops dishes.

Also I kept imagining Eponine and Archie together, explaining that cardiac tamponade really doesn't hurt at all.

Comments

( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
ba1126
Oct. 31st, 2013 11:25 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear that. My mother was unable to understand how I could go into a "funk" or cry after reading a book. "But it isn't REAL!!" she would say. True, it was a work of 'fiction', but I knew there WERE such men and women and death and tragedy. Luckily, my Dad, who was also an insatiable reader, understood and that made a huge difference for me. Peace.
eglantine_br
Nov. 1st, 2013 12:40 am (UTC)
In my family tears over literature were allowed, just not tears over much of anything else. Who would not cry for Beth March? Sarah Crewe?

Of course there were such men and women. And stories are real in a way that is bigger than human lives. We come and go, and we leave stories behind. Like termite mounds or something.
anteros_lmc
Nov. 1st, 2013 12:12 am (UTC)
I thought you'd been rather quiet. I have never read the book to which you refer, but I can certainly identify with the effect. In lieu of anything more helpful, here's Horatio, and a very much alive and kicking Archie :)

eglantine_br
Nov. 1st, 2013 12:35 am (UTC)
Archie is saying 'Why don't you just lean over and kiss me?'

And about that book, it is still probably the best book I have ever read. But the movie is just too much all in one gulp, in two hours. Too much beauty and sorrow, too much everything.

I can feel my balance coming back though. I should be fine in a few days, if I don't give in and pick the book up.
anteros_lmc
Nov. 1st, 2013 12:43 am (UTC)
I'd quite like to read the book one day but I'm afraid the film will probably pass me by. I know I'm a philistine but I just can't be doing with the singing :}

Archie is saying 'Why don't you just lean over and kiss me?'
"Poor Horatio, so brave and so afraid." Archie smiled again and this time the spark reached his eyes. He reached out one hand and touched Horatio's cheek lightly. His hand was rough and cool. Horatio stopped breathing. A whisper, "Don't be afraid Horatio" and soft warm lips met his own. The warmth spread over his cheeks and down his back while something fluttered madly in his stomach. Archie's tongue flickered momentarily over his lips and fear and desire collided. Warm and wet and this was it, this was it, this was Archie, this was what he wanted, what he wanted so badly. Another maddening flicker of that tongue and Archie pulled back. Horatio's head was spinning and the fluttering in his stomach had turned to a frightful churning. Archie just stood there in front of him, smiling slightly, eyes burning with hope.

:)
eglantine_br
Nov. 1st, 2013 12:52 am (UTC)
Oh. That helps a lot!
anteros_lmc
Nov. 1st, 2013 10:25 pm (UTC)
Glad that helped :) I omitted the final line of that paragrpah, which happens to be....

"He licked his lower lip nervously and Horatio hit him."

Poor Archie, he didn't deserve that! :}
khiemtran
Nov. 1st, 2013 08:53 am (UTC)
I quite liked Russell Crowe in that, but an extra frigate battle wouldn't have gone astray...
eglantine_br
Nov. 1st, 2013 11:28 am (UTC)
Frigates improve most events, I find. Even as Javert RS was squeezably adorable.

Edited at 2013-11-01 11:29 am (UTC)
charliecochrane
Nov. 1st, 2013 11:20 am (UTC)
I couldn't have gone to see that film for all the tea in china. Just too overwhelming.
eglantine_br
Nov. 1st, 2013 11:27 am (UTC)
Yes. It was. Too much.
lemurling
Nov. 1st, 2013 12:05 pm (UTC)
Hey you, I'm not sure if LJ is swallowing my messages or what, but I'm in NYC now. Not sure when you get up, so I won't call until 10ish. I'm still trying to decide if I am brave enough to try the subway. So overwhelmed. I wish I could check in and leave luggage, I'm sure I'd feel more stable. But you'll hear from me soon.
eglantine_br
Nov. 1st, 2013 01:06 pm (UTC)
I am here. Ready to make a plan. Call when you are ready
serge_lj
Nov. 1st, 2013 02:49 pm (UTC)
Sorry to hear.
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )